Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize