Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
