six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize