No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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