Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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