Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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