Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I die, sorry about rent.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
