she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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