I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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