He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
