1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
