; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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