Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
