That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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