Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Someone signed my nipple.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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