we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
