The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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