Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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