you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Two words: blizzard sex
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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