So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
