Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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