Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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