i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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