I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
