I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
