i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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