No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you had me at cake vodka
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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