I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize