She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Randomize
