i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize