i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
