Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
