i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
