I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
