I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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