All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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