so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
