I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize