guys are not supposed to queef...right?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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