tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize