Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
