Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I bet he comes in French.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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