so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
