So drunk, too bad you don't want this
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
