Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
