just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
