I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
