I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
