My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
