if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
