I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
