I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
