Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
