I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
