lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
