He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
