im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
