just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He felt like a one man threesome
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
