forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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