Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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