Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
