Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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