i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
