I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
