There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
