I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
