I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
