shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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