Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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