Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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