Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
