shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
