why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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