I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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