We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
