I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
