my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
