So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
