How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
