you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
