he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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