your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
