New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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