apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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