For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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