Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
