I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
