I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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