we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
