Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it glows. i had to have it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
