It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You are the jesus of drinking
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize