sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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