It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize