You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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