the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
