I'm lost and stupid without you.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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