Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
