I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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