I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
