U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Randomize
