So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize