My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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