I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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